Wednesday, November 12, 2008

Baby Nathan

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I went to R**M after gym to drop off diapers and baby milk for baby
Nathan.
It was around lunch time when I reached the hospital. Instead, of
proceeding upstairs where the patient is. I dropped by at the OPD
Annex to say hello. When I got there, the office was closed for lunch
so I decided to go upstairs and pay him a visit.

The couple was there and baby Nathan just woke up. I greeted them and
handed the small gift. They were very happy with the gift and as
usual, we had chitchat. While inside the room, there were a few
doctors who checked up on the patient and according to them, baby
Nathan could well be discharged very soon. It's actually a great news
since he is already out of danger and can go back home. After the
doctors, there came in several nursing students wanting to see the
patient too.

When they all left, we went back to chatting. The mother asked me if
I am also POZ. To her surprise, I told her that I am NEG. She smiled
and told me that it is nice that I am helping out people like them
who are living with the disease. There was a minute of silence, and
if it extended, I would probably start crying. I told her that this
is just a small way of expressing my thanks to the Lord for giving me
another chance to life. She smiled again and when I looked at the
father, he was kinda teary eyed. So I shifted the conversation to
something light. After a while, I told them I need to go and do more
errands.

They thanked me and asked that if I could go back and visit them
again before they leave the hospital. I definitely said yes.

On the way to the parking lot, I suddenly felt hungry and decided to
have lunch at the hospital canteen. There were so many people! some
were even from Thailand. I guess they are visiting for some research
work of sort. Doctors, nurses, admin people. The place was packed.
When I was lining up to place my order. I saw Ate Anna, the nurse
from OPD Annex. She waved at me from the table. She was with another
nurse and just finished having their lunch. She stopped by and
greeted me. Asked me if I will drop by the office after lunch. I
said, no more since I have to rush and do my errands for the day. She
said we will see each other next week.

Minutes after, I saw Lando, the father of baby Nathan lining up
behind me. I called him and asked what is he buying. He said, "rice".
Then I asked him what is he having with rice. Lando, looked down and
said, "nothing, just rice". My heart just sank. Told him to take up
the line with me and I will buy him lunch. Their lunch. He was really
happy and ordered chicken adobo, beef nilaga, 2 rice and 2 banana-q.
After I paid for the food. He touched my shoulder and said, "Salamat
kuya". Again, his eyes watered and I felt mine did also. I smiled and
said, Go! the food might get cold.

Friday, November 7, 2008

M.I.A

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I was totally fucked up for the past 2 weeks and it's no excuse to
make my friends wait.
there was trouble in paradise and uncertainty with my health. I am
not yet done crying so zip it! don't ask me!

But what health are we talking about here? You all know I bench press
and attend group exercises at the gym. So what the hell is this
hullaballoo over health?

fuckit! I am talking about my HIV status.

Yes, HIV STATUS.

I had my test last Monday(11/03) and it was one of the most nerve
wracking experience to date. The wait alone was a bitch. They told me
to wait out until today(11/07) for my results to arrive. Good thing
they called me last Wednesday saying that it's already out.

So I came by to pick it up. I actually drove like a mad man, racing
towards my death and meet the crypt keeper. On the way to the
hospital, my heart was pounding like crazy. As if it was drag racing
side by side with my vehicle. Will I die of a heart attack and not
know my HIV status? or die of a car crash right on the next traffic
light? It was really surreal.

She handed me this small white envelope. I said to the nurse, go open
it for me. Im not touching it.
Seeing her tear open the envelope was sensory overload. Seconds were
ticking slowly. My vision were blurred.
The nurse asked me of my initials and birthday. It took me a long
time before I can even speak. She looked at me again, waiting for me
to answer.

initials: XXX
birthdate: 6/26

Then she showed me this neatly typed-out 8 letter word on a piece of
paper.

N E G A T I V E

Man! I started sobbing like a little girl. There was waterworks all
over. i didn't care if I was crying along the hallway where people
can have another feature presentation apart from what was showing on
the telly. I think it was teledrama extravaganza in the afternoon. So
go figure.

The nurse gave me a hug and said, let's go back to my office.

Once inside the nurse's office, I got my bearing back. Feeling way
much better.
I saw a very familiar face - a true Malate habitue in the early 90s.
She is poz and doing her volunteer work in the same hospital.
Naloka sya seeing me there. We played a little catch-up. To my
surprise, another Malate personality was there recently working as a
physician.

The world is really small.

I told them that I am interested in doing some volunteer work. Maybe,
1x a week is okay. They were very happy to hear that. I can probably
do peer counseling to individuals who have no one to talk to. Lend a
hand if they need help - or to squeeze when they feel the pain of
knowing they are positive.

I am dead serious about this and I advocate for choice: to LIVE and
to stay SAFE

 

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